The two greatest revelations I have had in my singleness are 1) that I am completely capable of thriving in life by myself, and 2) that waking up to morning snuggles and a gently whispered “I love you” is what I miss most about being with someone. As many of my friends know, I gave up three things for Lent- peanut butter, alcohol… and men. What I realized going into that holy, penitential season was that for me, the search for a fulfilling relationship with another person had devolved into something transitory and intrinsically lacking. Pursuing random men who could care less about me in any meaningful way in hope that they might offer even a drop of emotional comfort, that they might look on me and find me valuable and lovely for even an hour, quickly escalated from an irritating itch to an inflamed rash. No matter how often I scratched, the itch came back, leaving me more wounded and with less self-worth than before.
While Lent ended a couple of weeks ago, my fast from meaningless hook-ups will be permanent. Throughout the season, God showed me that what I truly desire is not sex or the next ‘catch’, but rather a companion for this pilgrimage of life. It is time to leave hook-ups devoid of connection and apps full of shirtless torsos behind, and instead walk onward knowing that God will bring the right person into my life when I am ready to receive him.
If you are single, and particularly single and queer, know that God is walking with you through your lonesome valley. Your time in the valley could be quite long or incredibly short, but no matter how much time you spend journeying through it, know that it is a holy time of preparation for a life and a love you could not even begin to imagine. Now that we are celebrating the mystery of resurrection, hold fast to the hope of resurrection in your own life. Know that in due season the love you seek will spring forth like a green blade of grass from sun-thawed soil.
Hook-ups are winter’s lies; it is time for spring’s life-giving love.